How can I prepare for marriage?

availability index convergence initiative index marriage May 07, 2024

Just over 20 years ago we noticed an epidemic of singleness in large cities around the world and this is still trending. We began to pray, talk, brainstorm and pray some more. Eventually, we started to see breakthroughs although still not at a level we would like. (For a while I kept a Google sheet and stopped counting at 172 weddings.) What are some of the things that seemed useful in preparing for marriage?


Some people began to focus less on “who do I want to marry” and more on “how do I become a person who is ready to marry.” A group of women in San Francisco started praying for the men in the area, that they would grow, be encouraged, be blessed (rather than gathering to gripe about how few good men there were.) These women are now all married.


We had countless conversations with stuck singles about reasons they avoid marriage: this gave rise to the 15 Reasons to Avoid Marriage (extracted from the Convergence book.) Discussions about the pressures from society, especially social media, and the lies we tell ourselves... many got a fresh mindset and were married.


Lyn asked a young man—a smart, good-looking, successful young man—to give her examples of good, godly marriages. A week later he came back and said, “Billy and Ruth Graham, and George and Barbara Bush.” Had he met them? Of course not. Had he met lots of happily married couples... apparently not. So he had little to go by.


Finally, I figured out that men have an “Initiative Index” and it is often low... as in very low. For all sorts of reasons, we have allowed men to become emasculated and they don’t want to take initiative for fear of.. well, there’s a long list. Similarly, women—especially competent and talented and successful women—have an approachability problem. They seem so independent that the average (which means chicken) guy will not walk up their garden path to their front door.


How can I prepare for marriage? Perhaps it is a small slice of the answer but get over the 15 hurdles that are laid out on the track before us and figure out your Initiative Index (men) and your Availability Index (women) and come up with strategies to get it in the right zone.


Want to find out more? Follow these links:

  1. Availability Index
  2. Initiative Index
  3. 15 Reasons to Avoid Marriage
  4. Convergence